I lost my (formerly impressive) ability to sleep in about a year ago, when I first moved back home for several months to take care of my mom. The anxiety of the situation forced me awake before nine, regardless of how late I stayed up the night before. (Which typically was rather late, as I concurrently couldn't fall asleep either. Good combo, I know.) This newfound early riser syndrome has continued to plague me even though I'm no longer in the same sort of stressful environment. Most days I don't mind, but it sure as hell is painful on days when I spent a late night out drinking, or even just when I could really use the rest.
I leave for France in approximately 12 hours, and I definitely stayed up way too late yesterday night packing, (aka cramming my body weight in clothes into a too small suitcase and swearing) saying last minute phone/e-mail goodbyes, and generally lounging around. But old habits die hard and there I was this morning at 8AM forced to resignedly zombie walk to the coffee pot.
Like many people seem to be expressing, this MOVE doesn't feel real. In fact, it doesn't feel like a move at all, but rather a trip, just an exciting little vacation. But sooner or later it will sink in that a one way ticket away from a country in which I literally have no home is a pretty fucking big deal. I think I haven't let myself think too hard about it for several reasons. Obviously there's the fact that I don't think I could exist with so much excitement in my body, so I've taken to ignoring all the good that is about to happen. But also, by acknowledging the good I would have to face up to all the stressors, comme le fait que je ne parle pas assez francais pour habiter en France. I hope my school doesn't hate me.
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